I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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