People in love make me want to vomit
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize