last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We're too hungover to prance.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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