You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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