I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
