I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
