I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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