Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
