TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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