I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
