Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
