It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
