Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
