Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
