Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
