i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
