Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
