Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
