i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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