Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
