I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
