Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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