Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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