stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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