looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
