I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have aggressive nipples.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
