I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
