I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
