big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
