I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Randomize
