Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
