No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
