Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
