nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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