just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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