I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
