Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
