i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
