if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
