two words: eviction party
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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