I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize