we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
