Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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