I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
