1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
