I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
