okay pat passed out under dana's car
Duck Duck Cougar?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So many bounce houses so little time
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
