Where did you get a picture of my penis
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She made me pour olive oil on her.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
