oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
