When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
