I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We need to rekindle our bromance
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he fucked my hip out of place.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
