We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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