This is not my ceiling
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
