The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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