About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
high people should be assigned attendants
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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