I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
