True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize