Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
