More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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