there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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