If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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