Define "chronic" masturbator.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
