It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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