I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize