Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
