nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i came on her dog
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
