Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
