Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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