his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
