We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
