It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize