I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
