so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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