3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
