i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
