i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
