Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
