Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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