This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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