Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
