I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
