We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
