Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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