let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
