Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
