Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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