You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
