is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
