At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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