i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
