We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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